On October 3, I switched my phone to airplane mode and stowed my books, podcasts, and video games. Armed with a journal and pen, I gave myself permission to fully experience seven days at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, where I attended a Rite of Passage Retreat entitled, “Choosing Conscious Elderhood.”
At 69, I finally felt ready to accept “being older,” and I longed for a deep dive into discovering what that means. During the retreat, I explored inner and outer landscapes. In circles with like-minded participants, I reviewed the details of my life, learning about my gifts, reinterpreting events, and releasing old stories that had outlived their usefulness. I focused on The Harvest, this time of life where I am able to gather the fruits of my experience and share them freely with others. In deep gratitude for all of my teachers, friends, and companions who taught and guided me throughout my life, I discovered my heart’s desire to be of service.
On day 5, each of the 7 attendees spent 11 hours alone in the wilderness, connecting with nature and the Great Mystery. In my memory, it seems I spent the entire day communing with Spirit, walking, talking, writing, playing, and laughing. Maybe that was a taste of Eternity. I lost all sense of time passing, and before I realized it, the rising sun had become the setting sun, and it was time to find my way back to my room.
In that place of solitude, I sensed that everything is in Divine Order, that all is interconnected, and that there is a Unifying Force at work throughout the Universe. I felt VERY small, less than a grain of sand in a remote desert on a tiny planet in a vast solar system that sits inconspicuously among millions of similarly vast solar systems comprising a single galaxy among trillions of galaxies in an ever-expanding Universe.
Who am I? A single life, connected to All That Is. My heart swelled with gratitude, love, and a desire to participate in this incomprehensible Miracle right here on this planet for as long as I live. Then I’ll happily move on to the next great adventure because I am Energy, and Energy cannot be destroyed. It simply transforms again and again and again. Deep in the fiber of my being, I felt the truth of it, the power of it, the love of it. And I still do.
So, don’t be surprised if I miss your call, if I’m slow to answer an email or return a text. Don’t worry; you can still trust that I will tend to the routines of human life. I will also be shifting my priorities. I intend to continue to grow and serve for the rest of my life. I want these final decades to be filled with connection and courage. I want each day to begin with an open heart and an intention to allow love to guide my steps.
I am forever changed by this experience. I am calmer, more peaceful, braver, and happier. My wistful look and hint of a smile are because I have glimpsed the most delicious secret; I believe I have had a tiny peek at the surprises to come, and they are all rooted in love.
And so my Elder Journey begins. (There’s so much more to come!)
For information about future Elderhood retreats, see: https://www.centerforconsciouseldering.com/events/
Coach Barbie Dallmann 