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Posts Tagged ‘spiritual growth’

In Anticipation of Thanksgiving

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2013| 6 Comments »

Traditional Thanksgiving Picture

The Idea of Thanksgiving Appeals to Me

I love the idea of Thanksgiving.

In the abstract, it feels all warm and loving, full of togetherness, joy, and gratitude. Thanksgiving in America these days, however, requires excavation with heavy equipment to unearth those essential elements.

How many references to Black Friday must I chop my way through to find a single relic of heartfelt gratitude? I find it nearly impossible to embrace a deep sense of contentment for my many blessings while simultaneously making plans to buy, Buy, BUY … more, More, MORE! From all indications, Black Friday has become the holiday, and Thanksgiving is merely the feeding frenzy before “the biggest shopping event of a lifetime, you won’t want to miss!”

I love a bargain as much as the next guy (possibly more!), but this year I’m feeling a bit nauseated at the mere thought of the holiday season. There is nothing about Black Friday that appeals to me … not the excitement of getting up at 3 a.m. … not the opportunity to compete for one of a “limited number available” … not even the adrenaline rush of getting the lowest price imaginable on something I can’t live without. Oh, okay. I’ll admit that last one does appeal to me a little. But I don’t want to pay the spiritual price for that kind of bargain.

So this year, instead of just complaining, I’m going to take self-loving action. I hereby give myself permission to make Thanksgiving 2013 a two-day affair. So, since Black Friday will fall on a “sacred holiday” this year, I will turn a blind eye to it. I will delete every email, skip over every print reference. I will not be shopping online or in the stores that day.

Instead, I will fill the day with activities that honor my family, my home, and my values. I might paint, listen to music, or write. One thing for certain, I’ll be sleeping in and smiling my way through the day.

It will be a REAL holiday … the kind where you get the freedom to do whatever you feel like. Do you know that feeling? It’s the one I got when I was six years old and school was cancelled because there was two feet of snow on the ground. The whole day was suddenly filled with endless opportunities for fun: sledding, snow ball fights, building snowmen and snow forts, and drinking hot chocolate. It was self-indulgence at its best. It was as if every bit of the routine had been swept away to make time for UNBRIDLED PLAY. I want some of THAT.

So this year, when I see the words Black Friday, I’ll assume a conspiratorial smile as I envision the words buried in a snowdrift. No matter what the weather is this year, for me November 29, 2013, is gonna be a SNOW DAY!

Sledding

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An Act of Self-Love

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2013| 9 Comments »

White Kitty

As I closed the cottage door behind me this morning, I heard a noise inside. When I looked, I was stunned. Oh, no! White Kitty on the floor in a hundred pieces!

A very young part of me began to cry. The three-year-old who had received it as a gift from her Daddy, was in shock and overwhelmed with raw grief.

As I swept the floor, I remembered the many shelves upon which White Kitty had been displayed over the decades. Never packed away for safe keeping, she went from my childhood dresser, to my teenage desk, to my newlywed hutch. She watched over Baby Britain from the changing table, spent several years on the living room fireplace mantle, and did a stint in Mom’s sick room.

After Mom passed, I took White Kitty to the cottage to join several other memory-filled treasures. The grown-up part of me knows nothing lasts forever. She is sad but ready to move on. The three-year-old, though, is really struggling.

So I allowed that part of me to dig through the trash and put White Kitty’s head and the tip of her tail back on the shelf. Later, I got the urge to retrieve the rest of the big pieces and put them in a box. It just didn’t seem right to throw Kitty away like that. She needed to be honored, to be acknowledged for the 56 years of faithful service. A nice box, a few words, and a friend or two to help say goodbye.

Good grief! The three-year-old wants a funeral! I want to say, “Get real, girl! It’s just a ceramic figure!” But I would never say that to an actual three-year-old in pain. So, I am choosing not to say it to myself either. The fragile part of me deserves compassion, understanding, and most of all, some time to let go of a lifelong treasure.

So, I’ll leave the head on the shelf for a while and the rest of the pieces in the box. Showing compassion, tenderness, and love toward myself is a new practice for me. I’m not sure how this will unfold, but I do know, there’s no hurry. I will trust my heart to lead the way.

White Kitty's Head

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True Confessions

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2013| 2 Comments »

Painting on tile

Summer Beauty (Acrylic on Tile by Barbie Dallmann)

I know I’m supposed to be an enlightened, got-it-all-together coach type person, but this morning when my iPod wouldn’t turn on, an enraged control-freak grabbed the reins and took over.

“Piece of s**t iPod! I’m the boss of you, and I say, WORK!”

She Googled “dead iPod” and followed the directions for a reset. Nothing. She plugged it into a wall socket and tried again. Nada. She cajoled, caressed, lightly pressed buttons, and then slammed it on the sink. Still nothing but a trashed iPod.

“So, now I can’t go for my morning run!” declared this stubborn, irritated, acting-like-a-child part of me.

From somewhere deep inside Coach Barbie whispered in that irritatingly calm voice of hers, “Is that true? You can’t run without an iPod?”

A heavy sigh accompanied a defiant response, “No, it’s not true. I can run without an iPod … but I don’t want to!”

“Is that  true?” she asked again. “You don’t want to run? You’re all dressed and ready to go. You love morning runs. Is it true you don’t want to run?”

“No . . . but still . . . ,” she whined, losing bravado. And then she left the house, and as I gained my stride, the resistant, negative, stubborn part of me began to dissolve, and I allowed myself to compassionately observe what had just happened.

Something didn’t go my way, and I resisted. I made it wrong. I fought reality with everything I could muster. I was looking for everything that was wrong about the situation … the money, the time, the inconvenience, the lost activity records … not to mention that I have no clue where I left off in the audio book I was listening to.

Before I had the tools to process this sort of thing, I would have been caught in a negative spiral for hours, maybe days. But with the simple question, “What’s right about this?” I was able to use my entire run this morning to find the good.

And the best thing I found was a memory of my 12-year-old self on vacation with my family. There was no room for me in the cab, so I rode alone in the camper on the back of the pick-up. From Nebraska through Wyoming, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and home again. For a month, I rode alone with no iPod, no video games, no laptop, no cell phone. Just me, a few books, and my endless imagination. I lost myself in the scenery and entertained myself with stories of what my life would be like when I was grown up and on my own. I imagined going to work, buying a car, marrying my sweetheart, moving into a house, and giving birth to a baby. I day-dreamed a happy life for myself, full of freedom and beauty and travel.

One very good thing about not having an iPod (especially when you’re 12) is it gives you lots of time to work on manifesting a life worth living.

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Entering My 60th Year

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 15, 2013| 5 Comments »

Watercolor painting - Life in the 50s

“Life in the 50s” – Watercolor, ink, and press-on letters (by Barbie Dallmann)

Yesterday I turned 59. The “nine” birthdays are always a big deal for me. I experience a strong need to finish the decade on a high note. There’s also a touch of anxiety about how I will process the “new numbers” a year from now. It seems I’m one to watch out for my future self, thinking she may somehow become weaker or more vulnerable than I am today.

When I was 9, I wondered what it would be like to have two numbers in my age and thought ahead to 11 when I would no longer be able to hold up my age in fingers.

At 19 I grieved the loss of my teen years as 20 was the threshold to Adulthood. So, to prepare myself, I quit school, got a full-time job, moved out of my parents’ house, and got married—all between 19 and 20!

At 29 I remembered my promise to myself to “have my ducks in a row by the time I turned 30.” AARGH! I wasn’t even close! No goals; only wishes and someday fantasies. So, that was the year I got serious about my career, obtained a loan from the SBA and opened the doors of Happy Fingers for business just 10 weeks before my 30th birthday. Ducks lined up and marching by 30!

At 39 I was restless again, and so before I turned 40, we had packed up and moved to a much bigger house in a much nicer neighborhood. Another step up the ladder of success.

At 49 I watched Oprah turn 50 a full seven months before me. I heard her talk about the 50’s being the decade when you become who you were meant to be. I wanted that, but I didn’t know how to get it. And it seemed the harder I tried, the worse things became. Little did I know that as bad as 49 was, 50 would be even worse, and by 51, I had hit bottom. In a state of complete resignation, I signed up for the scariest thing I’d ever heard of: “The Shadow Process Workshop” with Debbie Ford.

Yesterday, I opened my birthday journal and began to write, fully expecting some fearful tirade about turning 60. I was fully prepared to devote a good part of the day to creating an action plan of things I needed to do that would make turning 60 bearable. Instead, I found myself overwhelmed with peace and contentment. What’s this? I wondered. Serenity on my 59th birthday? Really? How did that happen?

But, of course, I know how it happened. During my 50’s I’ve been doing a lot of deep work. I’ve learned about purposeful living. I’ve taken 100% responsibility (no excuses!) for creating more of what I want and releasing the things that no longer serve me. So, this is the reward, huh? A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I’ve always wondered what that would be like.

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