It started with an Outlook Reminder. I must have created it years ago in a fit of nostalgia: “40th High School Reunion This Year! . . . Do you want to go?”
At first I did.
But then I didn’t.
Weeks later I e-mailed my sophomore year locker mate, who teaches English at our old high school. She had been involved in organizing previous reunions.
Will there be a reunion this year?
Yes! You must come!
Oh, good! I want to go.
But then I didn’t want to go.
Later I got curious. Who do you suppose would be there? I pulled out my old yearbooks, looked at the pictures, read some articles.
Yes, I want to go!
Then I started reading all the things that people wrote in my yearbooks, and I changed my mind. I didn’t want to go.
Later I remembered how much fun it had been to connect on FaceBook with a few people from high school.
Yea, I think I want to go.
What was this ambivalence?
Plain and simple, I just didn’t like remembering who I was or what I was like in high school. Awkward. Misfit. Unsure. Afraid. Uncomfortable. Vulnerable. Yuck! I didn’t want to be reminded! I didn’t want to admit to ever being THAT!
And then I got “the Nudge”—that quiet voice of my inner wisdom: “Go to the Reunion! Go and Grow!”
What is it about my inner wisdom and alliteration? It’s always saying things like “Go and Grow!” all perky and excited and happy, like it was a trip to the beach.
As Divine Perfection often manifests (i.e., “as fate would have it”), that very week I was taking a class that focused on Divine Guidance. Homework involved listening for and then following our inner wisdom. Well, if it would meet the homework requirement for the week, why not? So I took a DEEP breath, booked a flight, a room, and a rental car. That was easy.
But it didn’t take long for my insecurities to begin waking me up in the middle of the night. That’s when the fun part started . . . . (To be continued)
Coach Barbie Dallmann 
Interesting! Our 45Th is this summer!
I think a lot of us feel this way, and then realize we are where we are now!! 🙂
Barb, I agree with you. I have been going through the same thing. I want to go because I have never attended a reunion and after 40 the makeup of the subsequent reunions change drastically. But the feelings you expressed are similar to my own. I intensely disliked high school and could not get away fast enough. I had a few friends but don’t stay in touch with them or anyone from the class of 1972 except now through Facebook, that is if you call accepting a Friend request staying touch. I was excited at first, then thought, why go? But then thought maybe part of a day. If you ask me two different days you might get two different replies. I may not know till I hit the doorway or Lincoln city limits.
I’m holding my breath in anticipation with a gigantic smile on my face!
I can’t wait to read “THE REST OF THE STORY”!! : )