Three weeks ago I pre-registered for a 5K race being held on June 29. I quit running last year after I hurt my foot, and my attempts to get back into it haven’t amounted to much. I would run maybe once a week and then justify reasons to do other things. Gradually I lost my ability to run any significant distance.
Finally, I found myself disgusted at my own lame excuses and decided it was time for action. Signing up for the race and paying the entry fee was my way of making a commitment to a training program. It’s a great example of using one of my known shadows to actually support me in doing what I want to do. Let me tell you how that works.
One of my shadows is “wasteful.” I really HATE the idea of wasting anything, but time and money are at the top of the list. There are good sides and bad sides to this shadow. On a good day, I’m an efficient multi-tasker, happily finding bargains, turning leftovers into creative meals, and washing my Ziploc bags.
On the bad days, I won’t allow myself to relax because it would be a waste of time. I work too hard and pinch every penny, withholding affordable pleasures because my shadow tells me they are a waste of money. I become joyless as I plod through the hours with frugal efficiency.
Working with this shadow taught me to love and accept my wasteful self. I now know how to enjoy wasting hours doing nothing. The other day I actually threw away half a bottle of shampoo because I really hated the way it felt in my hair. There was a time my shadow would have kept me from such a wasteful extravagance.
My new freedom to choose also includes the choice to USE the shadow to support myself in a commitment, like signing up for the race. I knew once I sent in my money, there would be a part of me longing to get my money’s worth. I know that barring a major illness or injury, there’s no way I’ll pay for a race and then not attend. So I’ve been using that shadow to keep me on track with my training schedule. All I have to do is think about the money I would be wasting if I weren’t ready for the race, and voilà! I will accept no excuses. I simply plug in my iPod with its “Couch to 5K” podcast and hit the road. Haven’t missed a session yet.
I like that I can trust that shadow to keep me on track. I like that part of me that doesn’t want to waste the money. It’s probably the only thing strong enough to get me to run, rain or shine! It’s a powerful force, and I’m glad it’s finally working FOR me.
A great demonstration of how’ loving your shadow’ can take you to the end of a finish line. Good Luck Barbie, have fun and definitely post a picture of you crossing the finish line; I am excited for you and your shadow (you are a winning team). xo debora
Thanks, Debora … I just keep finding new ways to apply what we’ve learned!
Beautiful article and picture Barbie – very thought provoking. I love the way you illustrate how what we perceive to be our greatest weaknesses are potentially our greatest strengths. I am learning to appreciate the interplay of shadow and light too; the way all things shift and change, when we surrender our preconceptions, at the same time as acknowledging and appreciating the very big part they play in who we are.
It’s a fascinating journey … this road to self-acceptance. So glad you liked the blog.
Big smile here, my friend! Your share helps me be willing to explore my own shadow around exercise, aging, body image, wasting time, money, Oh My Goddess, do I have some work to do!
Such a powerful description of how to use your shadow. You are such an inspiration! (Oh, and a very creative artist too! : )