Coach Barbie Dallmann

Trees and power lines downed by storm

During the last two weeks, a lot of things have exited my life. Dysfunction and old age took the office photocopier, a storm took several huge trees, maturity took our son to a new life in California, said son took his dog with him, and, at my request, my husband took two La-Z-Boy recliners to Habitat for Humanity.

Emptiness has been appearing around my life. Book cases have been cleared; drawers, too! All of that cabinet space reserved for dog food, shampoo, leashes, and treats … empty! Need I mention Britain’s room and his entire closet?

Most of the change has been thrust upon me, and I’ve been grieving the losses quite deeply. Solitude, tears, and a little wine. Long walks, extended periods of silence, and journaling at the cottage about my fears.

I tried to put a positive spin on things as I wrote about all this space opening up. Cheerily I scribbled the words, “It’s creating space for new things to come in!” And then a radical new thought. As if in someone else’s hand, my pen wrote: NO!

No?

NO!

Here’s what that wise hand wrote: “Don’t fill up that space! Don’t buy a new copier, or start looking for a puppy, or plant an orchard of fruit trees! Just don’t do it! Instead, feel the loss. Feel the empty. Be with it. Move into it. Become comfortable with it. Then … learn to LOVE it!”

Common wisdom says, “Replace what’s been lost so you don’t feel the pain. Fill the space with things that make you smile.”

But if I change myself inside … if I shift the way I look at my circumstances …  if I choose to truly accept what is and take the bold step to LOVE it as though I chose it for myself … well, then, it’s not about empty space that needs to be filled.

It’s about empty space where I can begin to spread my own wings!