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Posts Tagged ‘self-help’

Just Do It!

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , on September 10, 2012| 8 Comments »

About three years ago I was having lunch with an artist friend who was interested in my coaching services. She suggested bartering for art lessons.

Now, if that lunch had taken place a week earlier, I would have turned her down without a second thought. But during that particular week I was challenging myself to take on whatever uncomfortable challenges came my way. My week’s motto was: “Just Do It!” After all, it was just a seven-day challenge. It wasn’t a New Year’s Resolution or anything!

And so, even though I had long ago decided I couldn’t draw … I had no artistic ability whatsoever … and I couldn’t have cared less about learning to paint—I Just Did It! I said YES!

It was a slow, bumpy start. My first experience was in a class of 11-year-old girls who were “drawing with chalk.” One of them gently corrected me, “They are pastels, not chalk.” Oh! Silly me!

Later, my one-on-one lessons took me to the depths of my incompetence. I hadn’t learned anything much beyond the three primary colors (red-blue-yellow). Who knew there were secondary colors?!? And all those brushes and different brands of paint, paper, and canvases. I was overwhelmed.

Some lessons ended in tears. Often I was frustrated by what I didn’t know and couldn’t seem to learn. Nothing ever ended up looking like I intended. I tried wood block, water-color, pastels, acrylics, and oil.

Last year I had a major breakdown / breakthrough when I finally gave up my need to “do it right.” I decided to just let my 6-year-old self play with paint, and I’ve been having so much fun ever since!

Now I see how living life and learning to paint have a lot in common. The painting that appears with this post was one I made a real mess of initially. I was going to throw it away, but then I decided to just work with it for a while longer. After about a dozen sessions, I knew it was finished because when I stepped back and looked at it, I smiled. It was a smile of inner satisfaction, appreciation, and joy. Life can be like that, too. Just showing up, day after day, having fun trying a bit of this and a bit of that, until at last you feel the smile of satisfaction, appreciation, and joy.

My attitude toward life has changed forever because I took myself up on that 7-day challenge. [SMILE!!]

Experimenting With Life

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The Reunion, Part 3

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2012| 3 Comments »

From the viewpoint of an objective observer, I noticed some interesting things while reading my five-year diary (see “The Reunion, part 2″).

The first entry appeared on January 1, 1968, and continued until I graduated from high school in May 1972. I stopped on that day because I saw my diary as something from “my youth” that I no longer needed.

As I read entry after entry, I thought, “What kind of person writes every single day and fills every single line, beginning at age of 13? Disciplined? Focused? Organized? Intentional?” (Sounds a lot like me!)

By the time I accepted my high school diploma, I had already completed a semester of college and had worked for five months as a secretary at the Lincoln Fire Department. I was 17 years old.

There is simply no evidence for the labels I placed on myself: Unsure, Awkward, and Afraid. The person who wrote in that book was full of determination and vision. She boldly asked to graduate mid-term from high school, and then took a senior level college class, assuring her adviser that she didn’t need the prerequisites. She was right. She earned straight A’s that first semester in college.

Yes, she was a misfit in high school. She couldn’t wait to get on with her life. She didn’t like sporting events, pep rallies, dances or parties. All of that seemed so frivolous and unnecessary, a waste of time. She would rather debate philosophical topics with her teachers than hang out with kids her own age.

The more I read the diary, the more I liked the girl who wrote it. I found her delightfully energetic and hopeful. I smiled at her idealistic dreams and envied her self-assurance. Everything was so black-and-white for her. Little did she know the territory in between, the place I now so contentedly live my life.

As I placed the book aside, I realized how I had blamed my teenage self for all of my perceived shortcomings. She’s the reason I felt uncomfortable in crowds, had no fashion sense, and couldn’t dance.

Eureka! There are the red flags I was looking for! Blame and resentment! I love it when I see them clearly because I know what I need to do. I need to take responsibility. Period.

As a responsible, self-generating person, I acknowledge right here and now that if I wanted to learn to dance, I could. If I really cared about fashion, I have plenty of trendy friends who could teach me a thing or two. And as for crowds? I don’t mind one bit being the featured speaker at a conference, but when it comes to conversations, I’ll take a meaningful philosophical debate any day.

Thank you, Barbara Jane, you were the perfect teenager to lead me to who I am today. I honor your hard work, quirky ways, and serious outlook. Tomorrow night I’m headed to my 40th high school reunion with the memory of you tucked safely in my heart. You rock!

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Father’s Day

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on June 19, 2011| 5 Comments »

I’ve been thinking about my dad today. It’s my seventh Father’s Day without him. I was so grief-stricken the year he died, I begged my husband to let me skip the June remembrance that first year. Now I remember mostly the good times, the jokes, the fun. He was a good father and a remarkable man in so many ways.

Today, though, I found myself remembering the last five years of his life. They were not so good, not much fun at all. He often complained and sometimes ranted to me on the phone about this or that injustice. He blamed me for my son’s difficulties in school. He criticized me as a daughter, a wife, a person. Communication became so unpleasant, I dreaded his calls.

When we visited for his birthday in 2004, I spent most of the trip with my nose buried in a book, not wanting to engage in conversation because I knew it would be neither meaningful nor pleasant. When he passed away a few months later, I knew he had been ready to die. He was so tired of dealing with his failing health and he seemed so disappointed by everyone and everything. It hurts to remember how helpless and inadequate I felt those last several years of his life.

So now when I remember Dad, I just skip over that time and instead focus on the wonderful person he was before. Today I find myself wondering who I will be at the end of my life. One thing is certain: I don’t want to be a resentful lump of disappointment. I want to be filled with contentment and awe. I want to look back on my journey with satisfaction, compassion, and amusement.

As a spiritual being having a human experience, I want to consistently see beyond the limitations of the physical world to a bigger picture where everything is working just like it’s supposed to, where I can rest in the certainty that all is well.

How can I be sure that my last years won’t mimic my father’s? I believe the thoughts, habits, and actions I focus on now are the key to my future. Next year. Five years from now. And all the way to the end.

Our thoughts today determine our reality tomorrow. We become what we think about most. I think I’ll have a large serving of happiness, please, with a double scoop of gratitude on the side. I love you, Dad!

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How do you “do money”?

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2011| 2 Comments »

I ran across a quote this morning: “How We Do Money Is How We Do Our Lives,” Maria Nemeth, PhD., author of  The Energy of Money.

It made me stop and think, Just how DO I “do money”?

When it comes to money, I’ve always been careful and cautious. I don’t like to take risks with money. I plan for the unexpected by keeping a “rainy day” fund. I am responsible with money. I always reconcile my checkbook, pay my bills on time, and meticulously track my income and expenses. I use money to get all of what I need, some of what I want, and a taste of frivolity every now and then. I feel like I am in control of my money. And yet, I worry that somehow something unforeseen will happen, and I will end up regretting some of my conservative choices.

And, yes, that also describes how I do life: careful, cautious, not taking many risks, in control, and yet sometimes worrying that I’m missing out.

I wonder what it would take for me to loosen up a bit.  Certainly awareness and intention are key ingredients. What about a new budget line item: Frivolity.  I wonder what it would be like to regularly and intentionally use some of my money for things that “don’t make sense.” I wonder how that would show up in my life.

What about you? Are you willing to take a look at how you “do money”? If so, write down your patterns with money, or ask someone close to you how they see you “doing money.” Notice the parallels between “money” and “life.” Notice if there’s something you’d like to experiment with, something you’d like to change.

And then set an intention and share that intention with at least one other person who’s willing to ask you how it’s going.

If you don’t have all the money and all the life you want, make a new choice today.

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