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Pathway to Peace

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on August 20, 2010| 5 Comments »

Cottage Path

Pathway to Peace

Going to the cottage has become part of my morning ritual. My soul has come to rely on it in much the same way as my body revels in morning coffee. Thus, sitting in my cottage rocking chair while watching the sun rise and sipping a hot cup of coffee has become this summer’s version of heaven on earth.

This morning it occurred to me that a mere two years ago the cottage didn’t exist. In fact, two years ago, the only thing that did exist was the land and my growing desire for “a bench or something” where I could sit outdoors and meditate.

As I allowed my desire to grow, the “bench” grew first into a glider, then into a gazebo, then into a “shed,” and finally into a fully-insulated, all-weather structure with a sleeping loft and its own electrical service. Oh, and let’s not forget the 100-yard path of stepping stones that keep my feet dry as I pick my way through the woods on dew-soaked mornings. Wow! That’s some meditation bench!

The manifestation of this cottage feels like a miracle on many levels. It’s something I dreamed up, planned, and paid for myself. It was built by me, my family, and friends. I hired no one to help. It’s truly a labor of love. On an outward level, I learned to use power tools, pound nails, install siding and decking, shingle a roof, hang drywall, and much more. On an inner level I learned how to admit my shortcomings, ask for help, allow others to be in charge, and accept without guilt the amazing outpouring of love from so many of my friends and family.

The lessons I learned along the way were both painful at times and funny at others; they were usually at least somewhat interesting. For example, Lesson #12: It takes 3 times longer to remove the wrong caulking than it does to put it up in the first place. (It took a while for that one to seem funny.)

The manifestation of my cottage from desire to reality has been a spiritual journey for me. I mention it now because it will no doubt appear in or be the topic of future blogs. I mention it, too, so you’ll know where I am as the sun’s coming up.

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The Power of Hidden Beliefs

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on July 18, 2010| 1 Comment »

My name is Barbie…and I am a recovering workaholic. Over the years, I’ve found myself working relentlessly through migraine headaches, stomach ulcers, and morning sickness that lasted well into the afternoons. Once, I returned to a transcription job the day after I had surgery to place two rods in a severely broken finger. I was typing with one good hand plus two fingers on my “bad hand,” quite proud of the fact that I could still type about 70 words a minute. Crazy!

We all have behaviors that don’t seem to make sense. But when we take time to step back and observe ourselves with genuine curiosity, we can oftentimes find the faulty wiring that causes this kind of short circuited behavior.

When I was very young and feeling sick, Mom would pop a thermometer into my mouth to see if I had a fever. If I didn’t, then I couldn’t stay home from school. It was just that simple.

I carried that marginally useful measuring stick into adulthood where it became part of my unconscious belief system that sounded something like this: If I don’t have a fever, I’m not really sick. And if I’m not really sick, then I need to go to work (or otherwise tend fully to my commitments and responsibilities).

There is, of course, a major problem with that particular belief: not all “sickness” is accompanied by fever. The debilitation caused by headaches, pregnancy, and even broken bones can’t be measured with a thermometer. I can see that now, and I’m also beginning to see many other places where my faulty thinking has caused irrational behavior.

I noticed it yesterday when I went out for a run. A week ago I strained my Achilles tendon, and so I rested it for a week and then resumed my usual running pace. There were a few twinges at first, but I ran through them. A couple of miles in, I couldn’t take the pain any more, so I limped home while listening to brain chatter: “It should be healed by now. I took the week off. It should be all right. What’s wrong?”

There’s that “should” word, a definite red flag that something’s going on under the surface. So I simply observed and eventually noticed my belief in the “fact,” that all injuries and illnesses clear up on their own in about a week.  I don’t know where that came from, but it is clearly not serving me nor my unhealed Achilles tendon. With awareness comes the freedom to make new choices.

So, as I move into the days and weeks ahead, I want to pay closer attention to the unconscious beliefs that operate quietly in the background of my life. Some are useful; some are not.

Living consciously is all about exploration, discovery, and choices. It’s only when we find the short circuits that we can consciously choose to begin rewiring our belief system to something useful and supportive. When that happens, our lights shine more and more brightly, and the whole world reaps the benefits of lives lived consciously.

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BP should pay, right?

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on June 19, 2010| 2 Comments »

I held a grudge against Exxon for over a decade because of the way they handled the Valdez incident. I wouldn’t buy gasoline at an Exxon station, and I wouldn’t invest in any mutual fund that held Exxon stock. I can hold a grudge (i.e., a righteous indignation) for a long, LONG time. You might think I was angry about the environmental damage, but that wasn’t it. I was angry because Exxon’s first reaction was, “It’s not our responsibility.” Yes, it was their tanker; yes, it was their oil; yes, it was their employee at the helm; but, no, it was not their responsibility that the oil ended up in the ocean. That was the captain’s fault. They shouldn’t be expected to clean up what he spilled.

I didn’t see it that way. I still don’t. I did, however, over the past few years, use the incident and my strong emotional reaction to it to explore my own inner world and to get a better glimpse at some of my own dark shadows. I asked myself, “Where am I not taking responsibility? … Where am I blaming someone else?” I thought I had done a pretty good job of sorting through all of that until now.

Now there’s British Petroleum, and the shadows are back. I was pleased when I heard the company spokesman say, “We take full responsibility.” I thought, “Good for you!”

And then I remembered that I own BP stock. Instantly, I wanted to dump the stock. I didn’t want to suffer financially for something “they” did. After all, “it’s not my fault”!

“You sound just like Exxon,” said a small, quiet voice inside. “You are part owner of the company; what makes you  think you’re not responsible?”

My inner wisdom tells it like it is; it can ask some pretty tough questions. It  takes my own self-righteous indignation and holds it up as a mirror. There I am, squirming and wiggling and trying to find a way out. Just like Exxon.

Oh, I could find a multitude of justifications and rationales for selling my stock. But the real bottom line for me is this: I invested in BP because I thought it was a responsible company. And now, as they are taking responsibility, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to have anything to do with them. What a hypocrite!

So, I have made a decision. I’m holding onto my stock, and I’m going to do my share. As part owner of BP (no matter how infinitesimally small that part may be), I, too, will hang my head in shame and regret. I, too, will say, “I’m sorry.” I want my company to do whatever it can to make it right, even if I lose every cent of my investment. My integrity calls for me to put my money where my mouth is. It’s time to hold myself to the same standards I want the rest of the world to live up to.

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What’s Inside?

Posted in Archives, tagged , , , , on June 9, 2010| 5 Comments »

The other day I was unloading groceries from my van and dropped a quart of fresh strawberries onto the garage floor. I wasted no time picking them up and heading to the kitchen. As I climbed the stairs, it occurred to me just how undramatic the incident had been. No words were mumbled under my breath, no cursing, not even a minced oath (egad!) It was with efficient, fluid motion that I simply retrieved the berries and continued with my day. The thought brings a smile to my face because, for me, this is a reliable indicator of personal progress.

I’m reminded of Wayne Dyer’s question: “When you squeeze an orange, what comes out?” Answer: “Orange juice … because that’s what’s inside.” And when I “get squeezed”–when I am under pressure–what comes out? Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Surrender? If I want to know “what’s inside” on any given day, I can observe my reactions to the small pressures: a dropped spoon, my misplaced car keys, the inevitable computer glitch. When those things happen, what comes out?

When I’m over committed and stressed, I may react with impatience or anger. I may direct it inward (poor me!) or outward (poor husband!). It’s shamefully true, I can be very mean to myself and others when I’m stressed.

Lately, though, I’ve been starting my days with purposeful solitude. I’ve been setting an intention for a day of flow, which requires from me a higher level of compassion, acceptance, and vigilance. Slowly I’m learning which choices move me in the direction I want to go and which ones drive me off course. There are many opportunities throughout my days to get a glimpse of what’s inside. That’s why I’m smiling now as I remember the spilled berries. I do have some peace and acceptance inside, and it’s affirming to see it emerging more often.

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